Short jokes
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
Person 1: Wasn’t Stephen Hawking on X Factor?
Person 2: No, why would he be on X Factor?
Person 1: For dancing.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
Yo, back off from my homey Freshfry; he's mine!
Why did Gwen go to the store? To have a new.
HEY D.K. date ME, not that weirdo Freshfry! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Let's DATE! I'm 13 ;)
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Why did Monaco cross the road? It smashed a 1-mile radius of the road + the chicken.
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
What did South Korea say to North Korea? Go read a book!
What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?
You need to com-it.
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
Do you know how a snail has a "nail," why can't it be a nut?
Would I be considered a "homo" because I have sex at home?
Why you always in a mood?
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."