Short jokes
Q: How would a chicken leave?
A: Through the exit.
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
Kidloland
"Slow and steady wins the race."
Parademic
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"
"Roses are red, shut up and go to bed."
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.
His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."
Yo mama so fat I bet that her fart can clear a room in seconds.
The "f" in "orphan" means family, even though there's no "f."
What do you call a kid that lives alone?
An orphan. ;)
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.
What is the difference between cunnilingus and a confused Parisian tourist?
One lapses into French, the other Frenches into laps.
What's the difference between a cunnilinguist and a Ritz?
One is a snack cracker.
The other, a crack snacker.