Short jokes
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
What do you call a gay person who is gay but just can't admit it? A Filipino.
A hand is always sad when it sees a dick is going inside.
Sex has no feeling with our cousin. Because both are relative.
My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.
My father taught me a lesson of sex in a hypothetical way.
My stepmother gave me a lesson [on] how [it] is going inside?
How tall does the grass grow in Germany?
Zis high!
Your mama's so fat, when she went to the baseball tournament, she knocked everyone out of the park.
With what do you stuff a dead parrot? His.
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
People have been killed.
People have been killed who?
The 9/11 victims.
Jayfeather walks across the street, sees glass smash, runs down the street, and there lies a body... What?
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.
Straight people.
That's the joke.