Short jokes
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.
What is the difference between cunnilingus and a confused Parisian tourist?
One lapses into French, the other Frenches into laps.
What's the difference between a cunnilinguist and a Ritz?
One is a snack cracker.
The other, a crack snacker.
I don't know why there are 26 letters in the alphabet.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?
Uff.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
Looks dragon!
Draggin' these nuts across yo face!
What do you call an imposter octopus?
Octosus.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
You're so hot when your girlfriend tries to suck your cock, it burns her mouth.
EHO?
Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.