Short jokes
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
What kind of car does Pikachu drive?
A Volts-wagon.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
What do 9/11 and COVID-19 have in common?
I couldn't give a fuck about either.