Short jokes

I know where you live! I saw you before!

Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?

People actually want stuff in a supermarket.

Why did Elsa let go of the balloon?

Car show: "Let It Go," get it?

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

POV: Orphans rule the world.

God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.

The orphan: Waaaaaa!

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

If gay means happy, then I am now straight.

I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.

You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?

Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.

Me: They're certainly not wrong.

"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."

"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."

I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

It didn't land too well.