Short jokes

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

I mess up goats for unicorns?

Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.

I don't even know.

All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

You know you're high when you hold all your pineapples hostage and yell, "SpongeBob, I know you're in there!"

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.

Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?

Something big and warm 🍆.

I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

Why did God create sex for marriage?

Because he wanted more people and less fun.

Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...

Girl, scan the code on your wrist!

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Hi! It's the kid with another dark joke! On this episode: Orphans!

What do you call a gay Megalodon?

Magalogay.

Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.