Short jokes
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.
In America, you fight Ukraine.
In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.
"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
Pass me the sugar, Sugar!
Pass me the honey, Honey!
Pass me the teabag!
"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
What is an Emo's favorite game? Hangman!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
You're built like a double cheeseburger.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
Why do Asians abandon their children?
They're bad at math.
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.