Short jokes
Q: What does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
What's wrong with Asian pet stores?
There's no pets.
Yo hairline so long that it doesn't have a stopping point.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
If gravity pulls things down at 9.8 m/s squared, why did the emo kid not come down?
How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.
Russia is worse than the USSR.
Russia is just a bonerless USSR.
According to scientists, there has been a discovery of water on Mars.
Mars-1
Africa-0
What is the worst player in basketball? LeBron James.
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.
If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?
Why did the kid get grounded? Because he was always lion.
Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!