Short jokes
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Say what you will about Donald Trump, at least he's not Biden.
What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?
The lobsters in the kitchen.
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Why do poor people eat insects?
Because they're locust!
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!