Short jokes
Imagine. Kobe could not.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
By the way, infertility is hereditary:
If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.
Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
Violence breeds violence, nothing else.
I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?
Because it's the average class size.
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.