alirght im gonna drink the lo- carb one to see how it compares to the normal monster. holy shit it tastes just like the original one. theres like a weird afer taste though. kinda like a sparkling water one. i love monster ive drank about 5 cans already
just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time i eat at popeyes 😑
What do expression do you use when the toilet is clogged?
Oh Shit!
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chilli in the bowl.
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, What is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHIT- UP!!! ( shut up)
Why does donald trump smell like dog shit? cuz hes a dawggggg
Boy:"Mister can i get candy" Mister:No You shit head Boy:Why?:( Mister:Because i'm not your dad
I have a cow over my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor so my family force it to come and live with me at my place. The cow ask me where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk cheese yogurt and meat? In the refrigerator where do you think i keep on the farm with all the rest of those cows? That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed then she starting getting high and drinked some cow wine with titty milk and it made her shit all over the bed.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you? Because they stinks and now the room smells like elephant shit.
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911 holy shit.
Everytime i come in the kitchen my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food like the fried chicken the mashed potatoes the collard greens mac and cheese and the corn bread. Then i said i wanna eat some of that shit i love soul food then i told her you keep it up your fat ass is going to big like house on a haunted hill.
Nasa equals Nugget and shit anmiture
What does the 14 year old and the fetus inside her have in common. They both say, "Ohh sh*t my mom is going to kill me."
Say ocean 5 times and you say oh shit
you get a deep voice you shit talk to 5 yr olds
You don't need brains to be a Boss. When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Yo mama so ugly she scared the shit out of the toilet.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because these jokes are not funny
Heres why the chicken crossed the road...
The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road.The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck's opening, and was never seen again... The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said..." The chicken crossed the road...." The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road, and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit was full of the chicken nonsense, and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.
The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal, and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.
The End (hope you enjoyed, i was bored so i made this shit...)
