Shit

Shit jokes

Chainsaw

    • What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

    Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

  • 0

    • Weed

    • Peaches-REMAKE-By-Justin Beiber and watersharky Music Productions-

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    And I see you (oh), the way I breathe you in (in), it's the texture of your skin

    I wanna wrap my arms around you, baby, never let you go, oh

    And I say, oh, there's nothing like your touch

    It's the way you lift me up, yeah

    And I'll be right here with you 'til the end

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    You ain't sure yet, but I'm for ya

    All I could want, all I can wish for

    Nights alone that we miss more

    And days we save as souvenirs

    There's no time, I wanna make more time

    And give you my whole life

    I left my girl, I'm in Mallorca

    Hate to leave her, call it torture

    Remember when I couldn't hold her

    Left her baggage for Rimowa

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    I get the feeling, so I'm sure (sure)

    Hand in my hand because I'm yours

    I can't, I can't pretend, I can't ignore you're right for me

    Don't think you wanna know just where I've been, oh

    Done being distracted

    The one I need is right in my arms (oh)

    Your kisses taste the sweetest with mine

    And I'll be right here with you 'til end of time

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    (I get my light right from the source, yeah, yeah)

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it).

    Astronaut

    • Astronaut In The Ocean-By- Masked Wolf and watersharky Music Productions-

    Astro-naut

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean

    She say that I'm cool (damn straight)

    I'm like "yeah, that's true" (that's true)

    I believe in G-O-D (ayy)

    Don't believe in T-H-O-T

    She keep playing me dumb (play me)

    I'ma play her for fun (uh-huh)

    Y'all don't really know my mental

    Lemme give you the picture like stencil

    Falling out, in a drought

    No flow, rain wasn't pouring down (pouring down)

    See, that pain was all around

    See, my mode was kinda lounged

    Didn't know which-which way to turn

    Flow was cool but I still felt burnt

    Energy up, you can feel my surge

    I'ma kill everything like this purge (ayy)

    Let's just get this straight for a second, I'ma work

    Even if I don't get paid for progression, I'ma get it (get it)

    Everything that I do is electric

    I'ma keep it in a motion, keep it moving like kinetic, ayy (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

    Put this shit in a frame, better know I don't blame

    Everything that I say, man I seen you deflate

    Let me elevate, this ain't a prank

    Have you walkin' on a plank, la-la-la-la-la, like

    Both hands together, God, let me pray (now let me pray)

    Uh, I've been going right, right around, call that relay (Masked Wolf)

    Pass the baton, back and I'm on

    Swimming in the pool, Kendrick Lamar, uh

    Want a piece of this, a piece of mine, my peace a sign

    Can you please read between the lines?

    My rhyme's inclined to break your spine

    They say that I'm so fine

    You could never match my grind

    Please do not, not waste my time

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean.

    Bitch

    • Can't anyone relate to this? BEAT WATERSHARKY!!! -Oops!-By- Air Attack Productions and Yung Gravy-Ayy, supercalifragilisticexpiali dope shit Supercalifragi lick my ex be on some ho shit Superman, I get dem bands but ain't gon' buy you roses Super-duper get them cougars, took my wrist and froze it Super-duper hoes Y'all got Oompa Loompa hoes I ain't never knew ya hoes Prolly still ran through 'em, though.

    Oh, wait, wait, I, I do know your ho? You talkin' 'bout, you talkin' 'bout Tracy? Nah, you mean like, like, Tracy with the ass? Tracy with the, with the Honda? Shit, well.

    Oops, baby. Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy. Never knew that was your boo, baby. Hit her five times in the coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy. Oops, baby. Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy. I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby. Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby. Yeah, I said oops, baby. Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy. Never knew that was your boo, baby. Hit her five times in the coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy. Oops, baby. Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy. I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby. Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby.

    Lil' bitch, I'm happy and I know it so I clap them fuckin' cheeks, yeah I'm happy and I show it to your momma in the sheets And I'm happy she's a freak ho, happy so my teeth glow Yeah, my bitch elite, I be clapping every week My neck, my back, got your momma on my sack My checks, my racks, it's the return of the motherfuckin' mack And I stay with the pack, though. Clap, clap, then I'm out the backdoor. Lil' Pillsbury, I stack dough. Walkin' with a limp, like a crack ho.

    Yeah, I said oops, baby. Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy. Never knew that was your boo, baby. Hit her five times in the Coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy. Oops, baby. Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy. I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby. Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby. Yeah, I said oops, baby. Fuck up on your bitch, like oopsy daisy. Never knew that was your boo, baby. Hit her five times in the Coupe, Mercedes, whoopsie daisy. Oops, baby. Gravy hit my bitch, yeah, whoopsie daisy. I just tryna hit, it's my duty, baby. Sippin' on the goose, like Boosie, baby.

    Girl

    • Normal girl stating her opinion.

    My name is Jade Harris. I don’t know if you guys know it, but “rape” jokes are really starting to get sexist and could lead to people getting raped. IT IS MY OPINION PEOPLE DON’T HATE ME! 😡. People are talking about how men are better than women, but men and women are both good. Someone posted about how they hate the media being about women and other bull crap, but fuck it, I hate the media being about both genders. And people sound like fucking rapists here!!! Some boy did story time and then said women are weak and I can rape a women if I feel like it and shit! But no one knows what it feels like to be a women? Only women do. 😠. Women have to have kids with men of course, but it is hard to be a like that. 1. We grow up just the same as men, and men don’t always get judged for dressing except for that stupid pants were we can see your underwear shit, which is pt style. Women are the ones who pay the bills, lose half of there energy and MOST of the time take care of the kids and work for a living men do too. But women get raped and harassed and molested and sexual assaulted/battery/abuse, and when a women wants to dress up how she feels she gets slut shamed for it. So really being a women is harder will being both genders are. Facts!!!

    Iceberg

    • Iceberg: You may know me.

    Titanic: You are a sucker.

    Iceberg: You hit me.

    Titanic: Moron.

    Iceberg: Waaaaaaaaaa!

    Titanic: I don’t give a shit.

  • 0

    • School

    • There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

  • 0

    • Friend

    • Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

    Me: Hell yeah.

    Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

    Me: Hell yeah.

    Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

    Both: FUCK YEAH!

    Lunch

    • Oh, fuckshit, bitch, damn cocksucker.

    Pussy, asshole, cunt.

    Mother fuckin' dirty whore, shat onto my lunch.

    Pisscunt, damn bitch, suck my dick.

    Jesus Harold Christ!

    Shit bitch, cocksucker, Goddamn motherfucker, pussy, asshole cunt!

    Drama

    • Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

  • 7