Shes jokes

Who was the first carpenter?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand...

My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"

Your mom's so fat, she don't need to be worldwide, she already is.

Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.

Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!

Yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC, she asked for the bucket on the roof.

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?

Screamed till her hands fell off.

How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?

She didn't.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she is a dumb b*tch!

Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?

Because she fell into a minefield.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator, the World Trade Center collapsed.

Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.