She jokes

Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."