She jokes
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Yo mama so hairy, she braids her elbows.
Yo mama so fat,
she fell off BOTH sides of the bed!
Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."