She jokes
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?
She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
Yo mama is so skinny, she makes friends with a snake.