My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
Do you know Helen Keller?
Yes.
Did you know she had a dog?...... Neither did she!
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Why did your mum touch me? Because she was a pedo.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?
There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.
One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!
Yo mama so stupid she thought that fruit punch was a boxer
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
