Sexuality jokes
I met an amazing girl online. Smart, sexy... uninhibited.
Of course it turned out to be a 12 year old paraplegic boy... I have to admit... The sex was disappointing.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur?
Lickalotapuss.
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
I'm gay.
What’s the hardest bit about having anal sex?
Repeatedly getting a cock shoved in your arse🤣
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
Why don’t orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
I'm gay, lol.