Sex jokes
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!
I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
I suck dick.
What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?
A face full of sperm.
What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Chupa mi polla.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
Why did God create sex for marriage?
Because he wanted more people and less fun.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"