Sex jokes

I think my penis has facial recognition.

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

I have sex.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?

I don't care if she has either.

What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?

There's 20 of them.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"

And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"

Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."

The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."

Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"

Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."

Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...

THE END

Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?

They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

Did you hear about the gay choirboy?

He choked on his first hymn.

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.

How can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Your dad's knob tastes funny.

Have you ever had sex camping?

It's inTENTS.

Hi there guys, I have no jokes, buy.