Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
I sucked a dick.
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.
you.
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?
Kum and Go.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
I'm Gay.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
