Self jokes

What sucks about disabled people?

They can't stand up for themselves.

Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.

How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope they hung themself in...

I bullied a handicap today.

What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.

Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen

Aren't I badly good?

Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.

Well, being an American is just a joke itself.

What is the difference between a cow and me?

Nothing.

Yourself.

I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.

What kind of flour do orphans use to make bread?

Self-raising.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

"Self harm jokes aren't that deep."

Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.

You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

She a hoe, she shit on herself.

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

Don’t cut yourself up about it.