Self jokes
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
Aren't I badly good?
This is a joke in itself.
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
You are the joke.
What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?
An edgelord.
I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.
To whoever you are, you are loved.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."
It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
I love teaching students
how to make them harm themselves.