Self jokes

Why'd the emo have no friends?

"Because they like to hang by themself."

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.

Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.

Isn't it sad that orphans are only allowed self raising flour? Orphan-👁👄👁

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

It’s so sad because Stephen Hawking can’t even stand up for himself after all these mean jokes.

Why does an orphan play mum and dad?

'Cause they need self-love.

Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.

Why did people bully Steven Hawking?

Because he couldn't stand up for himself.

Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?

Because she wanted to join the Brownies.

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

Dear Gwen, you are not a faker, nor liar, nor loser!

And the people that are bothering you are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt yourself because of these comments, to be honest, you're really nice, kind, and mannered! There are more kind people than mean people, and I am one of them! Just live your life and ignore Liv and the unknown guy, which is named Greg! No need for all this drama!

Best, Tenya Bailey.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied?

'Cause they can’t stand up for themselves.