Consciousness jokes

My day started out great until I woke up.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?

My mind.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

God's consciousness: Art.

God's unconsciousness: Christianity.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"

I said, "Yes, I know I am."

What question can you never answer yes to?

Answer: Are you asleep yet?

Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.

So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.

We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

The happier they get, the less they see.

If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think, "Well, better luck next time."

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."