Seen jokes

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

Have you ever seen the Pokemon called Ryh... Rhydon these nuts?

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.

Hey! My balls are on your thing!

Ever seen twins?

If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?

Hello people. I've seen your jokes are as immature as hell. Keep going with those jokes, people. We might earn the funniest jokes on this website.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Alex Stokes says, "Kat, I've seen you eat many foods!"

Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"