Seen jokes
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."