See jokes

What do you do when you see a wiener dog?

I like you wiener.

The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

If we can't see air, can fish see water?

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

A man walks into a bar and see's a naked lady, "WOOW SHES HOT!" HE picks her up and pee's on her and says, "Hi lady lets have sex."

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

When you're excited to finally see your sister, and then you realize she's wearing your clothes.

I hope you see this plugin, but if you're listening to this, I really want to give you a little more...

Teacher: What’s 2+2?

Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh

Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.