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Pedophile

  • A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

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  • Snail

  • A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

    He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

    He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

    Three years later there's a knock at the door.

    He opens it and sees the same snail.

    The snail says, "What was that all about?"

    Donut

  • A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.

    Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.

  • 1
  • Cage

  • When you're in a cage But it's not real!

    Being in a cage But you have the key.

    Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

    Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

    Living and realizing you've been born into one.

    Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

    But you can't live without them.

    The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

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  • Camouflage

  • A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.

    First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.

    When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.

    The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.

    "Why did you move?" the German asked.

    The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."

  • 0
  • Street

  • A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.

    Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."

    The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!

    Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"

    The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.

    Man: "Dolly!"