Scientist jokes
Stand? Wait. No.
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar...
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
Memes
Who would you choose?
Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Deja Vu.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
MAN 1) Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
MAN 2) No.
MAN 1) Neither did he.
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
Yes, Stephen Hawking is alive.
YEET!
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.