Science jokes

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."

What did one astronaut say to the other astronaut after landing on the Moon?

"Ah! And people thought we were moons!"

Which mineral is so impolite?

IRONic.

What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?

He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"

Stephen Hawking only went to hell because he couldn't get up the stairway to heaven.

Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven?

He couldn’t climb the stairway.

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

Why did the glacier send the iceberg to college?

Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES at the atomic level!

He's dead.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?"

The bartender responds, "For you, no charge."

How is being gay like a geology class?

You get to lick all the rocks you want.

Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?

Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.

What did the bitch say to her sister when she stepped on her toe? Oww, mitosis!

Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.

Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.

Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"

Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.

Never trust a Justin, he is made up of atoms that make up everything.

Who is Stephen Hawking's wife?

The American Siri.

Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.

Haven’t they switched him off and then back on yet?