Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What did the neutrino say to the planet? -- "Just passing through."
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.
