I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.
Science Jokes
I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
His favorite drink was his dribble.
I tried to catch fog yesterday...
Mist.
What's Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders. 😊
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.
A man decides one day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet or paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud.
"Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot," says the bird.
"Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!"
"I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird.
"Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs."
"Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers."
"Wow, you really understand everything I say, don't you?"
"Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport, and philosophy, and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you."
The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I cannot afford that."
"Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you."
The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What!?" says the man.
"Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth."
"And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?"
"Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere."
"My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?"
"Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down."
"And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams.
"No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick..."
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
