School jokes

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

Don't bully.

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Yo mama so fat her yearbook picture was a double-page spread.

The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

The world has turned upside down. Orphans are now being homeschooled.

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"

The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"

You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).

Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!

What flies around the school at night?

Alpha-bats!

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?

A: They're both cheesy.

Why do Orphans like school?

Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.

Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.