School jokes
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *Walks away*
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
[Parent’s signature: __________]
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
Why are orphans rude at school?
What's the school going to do? Call their parents?
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Don't bully.
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
What flies around the school at night?
Alpha-bats!
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?
'Cause he wanted higher grades.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.