School jokes
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
Why is it okay to bully an orphan?
It’s not like they could tell their parents.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Me during NWEA tests
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Do you know what the hardest part of school is?
There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...
What is a gay school boy's favorite grade?
D+.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.
If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
You know shit is going down when anything pumped up kicks related is brought into school.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
Why do gay people get bad grades?
Because they don't get straight A's.
When I walk to school, I fart.