School jokes
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
me when an essay is due
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
Teacher: What is the capital of Washington?
Dumb kid: The W???
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
Why did the rapper go to school?
To drop some KNOWLEDGE BARS!
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.
Which one gets bullied the most, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
Why did the orphan have to stay at school?
Because they need to leave with a parent.
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.