School

School jokes

Homework

    • Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

    The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

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    • Face

    • Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

    Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”

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    • Member

    • In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

    One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

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    • Demon Slayer

    • My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

    Me: Demon Slayer.

    My teacher: Why?

    The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

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    • Kid

    • When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

    Bing, bang, boom!

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    • Wheelchair

    • This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

    Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

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    • Zebra

    • I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

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    • Terrorist

    • A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

    First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

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    • Parachute

    • There were 5 people on an airplane.

    1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world

    The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."

    "Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."

    The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.

    The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.

    The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.

    Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"

    And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"

    School shooting

    • The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

    The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

    The school shooter: "I don't know."

    The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

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