Scare Jokes

People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.

He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.

Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?

Because they can't call their parents.

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

A layered cake with blue, pink, and white frosting is sitting on a white cake stand. The question is asked if the cake is scary and a comment below states that they have always wanted a cake that cuts itself.

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

Why is every number scared of 7?

Because 7 "ate" 9.

Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."

There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.

White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"

Why are elephants scared of computers?

Because of the mouse.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”