Scare jokes

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.

He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.

Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?

Because they can't call their parents.

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

Why is every number scared of 7?

Because 7 "ate" 9.

Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."

There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.

White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"

Why are elephants scared of computers?

Because of the mouse.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

What music scares balloons?

Pop music.

Why would the banana scream "ouch?"

Because it is getting peeled.

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

Why was Wet scared of Water? Because he was the water.