Scale jokes

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

I want your weight, not your phone number.

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Joe mama so fat when she weighs herself, the weigh explodes.

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

She got on the scale, said "to be continued."

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

I scaled your forehead, and all I saw was 1000.

Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.

What do you call a kid who sings well?

Melodic Minor.

Brinnia so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said, "I need a bigger one."

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?