Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
On a scale of 8 to 10, how good do I look?
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
Which part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales!
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.