Scale jokes
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
When your mom fell down, a 10 magnitude earthquake shook the Earth.
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
Big
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
Yo mama so fat, the last time she 90210 was on a scale.