Say jokes

What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?

He said, "Fuck this shit!"

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."

What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?

Nothing.

What do you say to a fat Asian?

You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?

A: You gonna eat that?

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?

Nothing, he just exploded.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

What did the tree say to the wind?

Leaf me alone.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.