Say jokes
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.
What did Jim say to Jeff? "I killed your ham."
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
What did the beach say when the tide came in?
"Long time no sea."
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball, guu?
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