Say jokes

What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."

Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

What did the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏

What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

For all of my musicians out there!

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."

What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?

Their parents never say yes.

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?

He said, "Fuck this shit!"

What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?

He made no cents.

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”