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A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
Yo mama so fat when she step on a scale it say, "To be continued..."
What did the icicle say to the snow?
"Why do you have to be so soft?"
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
What did the O say to the other O?
O hi O (Ohio).
Why do orphans have no parents?
Say your joke in the comments.
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
What can't you say to an emo?
Hang in there, buddy!
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
What did the hat say to the tie?
"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What did the Cheetah say to the Lion?
"I'm a Cheetah!"