Say jokes
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
"Simon says touch your chin."
The fat people be like, "Which one?"
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did The Notorious B.I.G. say to the cow?
- MOO MONEY MOO PROBLEMS
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
Q. What did one Iron atom say to the other Iron atom?
A. "We're in the Matrix."
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!