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Apple

    • An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

    Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

    My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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    • Priest

    • A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

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    • Bff

    • My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

    I said: "Why?"

    My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

    I said: "KNEW IT!"

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    • Ho

    • When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

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    People

    • No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

    Dick

    • "My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

    Terrorist

    • Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

    The terrorists both say, "A beer."

    The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

    One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

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