Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say "You're next". So I started poking them at funerals and saying "You're next" to my friends.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
I was gonna walk up to a emo and say do you get jealous when your phone dies
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show, by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? Thanks for coming😉😉
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, theres a spider. The blind man simply said. "Step on it".
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive." to the corona patients
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up? Me: Oh I wan- Therapist: Don’t say to be dead Me: Well I want to be an entrepreneur, I want to sell land, pencils oh yeah. I also want to sell farm
By the way, this joke is easily found on Google, this was not created by me, I just have not seen it in these fat jokes so I thought I'd say it.
Doctor: I diagnoss you with obesitiy. Patient: It runs in the family. Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
So a daughter asks her father "dad what is you opinion on abortions?" So her father says why don't you ask your sister. The daughter responds "but I don't have a sister... Oh"
What did michael jackson say to the kid on his lap? Just beat it, just beat it
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say "Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
Little johnnys teacher asks him "Johnny ,do you pray before you eat?" little johnny says "I dont need to, my mum makes good food.
A masquito with a Mario hat on flys on you saying it's a me malario
