Say jokes

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

My heart says to stop because it hurts.

Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello on the other side.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"