Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone "No" So the man says "ok let's go camping"
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says who the fucks be fucking my wife the room goes silent, the guy in the back finishes his beer and says you ain't got enough bullets.
You know when you sign up for something and it says *im not a robot* guess he never had the chance to tick that
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
What’s one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You guys should know your limits."
What did one butt check say to the other? “Between you and me it stinks in here”
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
Michael Jakson gets really ill so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there he says 'am i in heaven?' The doctor replies 'Nah sir we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward.'
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek Together we can stop this shit
whats the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says cock a doodle doo, Tyler says any cock will do.
Husband: I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank? -"I want my quarter back."
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
A white dad,a priest and a rhabi all run out a burning school and the dad says “what about the kids” and the rhabi reply’s to him saying “fuck the kids” and the priest says “think we got enough time”
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom and you think your in the clear but the Down syndrome kid says “goodbye”
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats" but none of them touch the man's penis and say "weII done"
