Say jokes

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?

How much did the haulla-cost?

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

"Akeld" sounds like a 56-year-old man just picking on kids for no reason. I say, get a life!

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman says...

"Why the long face?"

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, because they are walls.

What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?

"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's Morphine Time.

Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?

Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

What did the egg say to the other egg?

Nothing, they can't talk.

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Conor MacGregor to Poirier: "Your wife is your husband!"

(After the fight, or should I say after the fracture.)

Poirier: Really, bitch?

Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”