Say jokes
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?
A: I find your lack of face disturbing.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked? "Stop it! It hertz so much!"
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What did a Jedi say to Darth Vader? "You're not my father, I am yours!"
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
What did the orphan say to the house? Can I live here?