Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."
Say Jokes
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?
"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭
What did one plate say to the other plate?
"Dinner's on me."
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?
"Oasis!" (Oh, hey sis!)
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
What did kings say when they were made king?
Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!
American says: "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..."
Sardar ji says: "Accha, India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?
Why are you so tall?
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
