Say jokes

I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.

A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."

What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

"Go fuck yourself... at the bottom of the sea."

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!

Some say under his helmet is another smaller helmet, and under that is another helmet, and under that is a poster of Miley Cyrus.

What did the Chinese man say to his wife?

I'll chin you later.

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."

What did Pluto say to Saturn while barbecuing steaks?

"Mine is meatier than yours."

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed!

4. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield!

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!

People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?

"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"