Say jokes
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
What did A say to Y?
"You cannot be alpha like me." :)
Y said, "Why? (Y)"
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
Only a genius can say this.
I am stupid.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”