What do you say to a depressed person?
"I like ya cut, G."
Say Jokes
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
My friend is blind.
So he always says he cannot Nazi.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."
All-star gay mix
Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole.
Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb.
So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick.
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless man's throat.
The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
I didn’t orphan never say home.
Because they didn’t have one.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
