Say jokes
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
Hey, Squidward, say "kid" backward. Also, suck my dick!
A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
Why did the ocean wave?
It wanted to say "Hi Tide."
Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."