Say jokes
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
Little Johnny asked the teacher why you were no shirt. Teacher says, "Because I want to." The teacher drops her pencil and picks it up. The class starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" A kid took off your bra, and we see your squish sexy boobs.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
What did the wall say to the wall?
"Meet you at the corner."
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
Hey, Squidward, say "kid" backward. Also, suck my dick!
A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"